Just Keep Swimming

Twenty-Something Girl No More

2008-02-06T11:07:00.001-08:00

Well...it's official. Last month I began my third decade on this planet. The weeks leading up to the "big day" were filled with loads of anxiety and depression, by no stretch of the imagination. I just couldn't (and still can't) believe that my twenties have come and gone. Where did the time go? Why do I still feel like such a kid? What do I have to show for the last ten years of my life?

And looking to the future, what will the next ten years bring? Wait...do you hear that? tick tock tick tock tick tock It's not my biological clock ticking away. Well, for the most part it's not. It's the sound of the minutes and hours and days passing by in the blink of an eye. It's scary to think that the last ten years are gone already, but it's terrifying to even entertain the idea that one day, less than ten years from now, I'll be turning forty.

People have asked me if I feel any different. I most certainly do, but the feelings are a combination from both the positive and negative sides of the spectrum. Negative side: See above. As for the positive side, I'd like to think that I have plenty to look forward to in the next ten years. Sure, my twenties are gone, but during my twenties I never really wanted the things I want now. With any luck, my thirties will be filled with happiness and accomplishments.

Halloween Festivities

2007-11-02T18:16:00.000-07:00

It's been about a week since I last posted, but there's been so much going on that I've barely had a chance to get anything done at all.

Halloween is one of my most favorite holidays. I just love getting dressed up and having fun. I decided about two months ago that I was going to be a bumblebee this year. I was determined to make the costume myself. I bought all of the materials and starting working on it right away. Of course, like everything else, that lasted a couple of days and I grew bored with working on it, and put it off until this past weekend...roughly 3 or 4 days before Halloween. I worked on it all day on Sunday, only to find that I sewed one of the fuzzy stripes on crooked. As I'm a perfectionist, and thus catering to my OCD, I had to redo it. Afterwards, though, I think it turned out quite nicely. I've never been very good at sewing, so I was surprised by the results.

Ryan dressed up as Barbossa from "Pirates of the Caribbean" and visited me at work during lunch.

After work, we kicked back and played Guild Wars - an online computer game. They were having a Halloween festival in the game, and we had a lot of fun taking part in that. We passed out candy to a handful of trick-or-treaters, and I fell asleep on the couch while we were watching Sleepy Hollow. All in all, it was a great day!

I've been keeping up with my workouts except for on Halloween and the day before (to finish my costume and bake cookies for work), but I figure that missing two days isn't the end of the world. I'm still excited about the workouts, they're getting easier, and I'm feeling a lot better about myself.

As for the Halloween candy, I've had a few pieces, but I'm making sure not to overdo it. I'm taking plenty of healthy snacks to work to keep from being tempted. So far, so good.

A River Runs Through Mee

2007-10-27T18:20:00.000-07:00

One of the Firm's "Quick-Start Tips for Success" is to drink water. Lots of water. At least 64oz. per day. I decided that I was going to give it my all. I was going to drink 64oz. a day, as well as do all of the recommended workouts. They say that drinking water has many benefits. It's not only good for you, it helps your body to function the way it should, keeps you hydrated, and curbs your appetite. They don't, however, tell you about the things that'll drive you crazy!

I started my workout routine and my water regimen on a Friday. By Monday morning, I felt bloated and sloshy from all the water. I spent more time in the bathroom during my 8-hour shift than I normally would during an entire work week. I must have looked pregnant to the people I work with, running to the bathroom every half hour or so, and trying to rub the stiffness out of my back.

After four or five days of guzzling water and doing all the scheduled workouts, I did something that wasn't recommended. I stepped on a scale. Holy crap! Not only had I not lost any weight, I'd put on another couple of pounds. The little voice inside my head told me, "It's ok. You know you're just adjusting to the water. As soon as your body is used to it, you'll start to see the pounds drop off." Having no will power whatsoever, I found myself jumping on the scale once a day. I decided to record my weight on a daily basis, and was dismayed to see it go UP everyday by at least a pound. After a week and a half, I weighed 8 1/2 lbs. more than I did when I first started. How bad was this going to get?

I began to get frustrated, and I felt my motivation ebbing away. Even though I had hurt my knee and had taken a couple days off, I still tried to make up for it. I did a 5k walk for breast cancer awareness last Saturday. (I'm happy to say that my knee surprisingly behaved itself throughout the entire walk, and I was able to powerwalk through the last half.) I was eating a more balanced diet than I had in years, and I was drinking plenty of water. Why on earth was I still gaining weight?!

After the race last Saturday, I felt sore and stiff, and my spirit was broken. I didn't do the scheduled workouts all this past week. I decided to take the week off and try again on Friday (technically the starting day of my scheduled workouts for the week). As I talked about yesterday, I didn't have any desire to do lastnight's workout, but I still found myself putting on my shoes and popping in the dvd - the 45-min. version of Hi-Def Sculpt. Having taken a week off, Ryan and I felt like we were starting over from scratch again. It was difficult, and we were only able to do 20min. of it before I gave up. I was disappointed in myself, I was mad, and I felt like a loser.

After Ryan left lastnight, I realized that it had been 2 or 3 days since I'd last weighed myself. I decided to jump on the scale before going to bed, knowing in my heart of hearts that this was only going to make things worse. To my surprise, I weighed one pound less than when I first started two weeks ago!!! I'd not only lost all of the water weight that I'd put on, but I'd lost an additional pound. One pound might not seem like anything, as weight can fluctuate by a couple of pounds everyday, but it was EXACTLY what I needed to see!

My day today is brighter, my spirit is uplifted, and while Cardio Party is my least favorite workout (and the one that caused my knee sprain), I'm looking forward to tonight.

Just Keep Swimming

2007-10-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

swimming swimming. Just...keep swimming.

So I've finally done it. I've been meaning to create this blog for the past couple of weeks or so. Picking a name for it turned out to be the hardest part. I wanted something that wasn't too much of a downer, something that conveyed that although I'm struggling, I'm trying to maintain a positive outlook on things. I kept hearing Dory from Finding Nemo in my head singing "just keep swimming", and it felt appropriate.

Today's struggle: motivation

It's been hectic this week at work, and I'm finding myself just sitting here this afternoon with a brain made of mush. I can't seem to focus on any of my work today. Everytime I try to begin anything, I'm interrupted. I end up counting the minutes until I can go home. And if that isn't enough.....

...tonight is going to be my second attempt to begin my second week of the workout program I bought into.

A little back story: I did a bad thing. I watched regular TV in the morning. Anyone who's had a day off during the week with nothing to do and has flipped on the TV knows that there's nothing on regular TV in the mornings except for INFOMERCIALS! So yes, I got suckered in. I watched an infomercial for The Firm - Total Body TransFIRMation. It's a cardio-with-weights workout routine. When it arrived, I was completely stoked. I read all of the information that came with it and promptly began my first workout that evening (that was two weeks ago today). Ryan - my boyfriend, my best friend, my support, and my life - happily agreed to do the workouts with me to help keep me motivated. The workouts are tough, but fun, and I feel great afterwards. I had made it through most of the first week successfully when, halfway through one of the workouts, my knee popped. It was painful, and I haven't fully recovered. That was a week and half ago. I decided to take it easy all this past week even though I could feel my motivation waning. I was depressed that I hadn't lasted a week before having to stop, whether it was my fault or not. To keep from spiraling down into something more than just a funk, I decided to postpone week two until tonight.

So, that brings us back to tonight, and to today's struggle: motivation. I'm happy that today's Friday, that I get to go home and relax, and the last thing I want to do is that damn workout. With any luck Ryan will feel differently about it and will get me pumped up to do it.

Most of the "demons" that I've referred to in the "about me" section of this blog stem from being overweight and having such low self-esteem. I want to succeed. I want to lose the weight and get my life back. One would think that's motivation enough. We'll see, I suppose.